Hello, My name is Janie. I have just turned myself into a Guinea Pig. It might look cute, but it’s my abusive alter ego.
I have just embarked on a journey to return my body to its former normal size and it started with a short poem.
“Part 1] I’m getting too big for me pants. My scales are unhappy with me – I feel like a mess – with three sizes of dress and need to remove all the stress. Part 2] Juice PLUS+ is my brand new business – it has people who feel just like me – so my new little venture will help me and others – to start on a brand new adventure. OLE!”
I really do have three sizes of clothes in my wardrobes: size 10, 12, and 14. Size 16 wants in on the party; I say “How About NO”. (Guinea Pig says: how about fat?) I say “pack it up”.
My underwear is tight, and the catchphrase “does my bum look big in this” was definitely created for me. (Guinea Pig says: it does IT DOES!) I say “how about shut up – which end is yours or is that Donald Trump’s hairpiece?”
I’m bursting out of a D cup bra and it’s uncomfortable. My t*ts were never this big until fairly recently, so its evident that I shouldn’t really have them. Yep and 3 bra sizes too. (Guinea Pig is sniggering…..) I say “don’t push it, matey. ”
I have bought my step, weights, skipping rope and bands downstairs to start exercising. (Guinea Pig says “yeah right”) I say “how would you like to return to your former life in a lab?” Guinea Pig peers out grudgingly through her glasses, but keeps silent.
To be continued soon……….